In memoirs of Abah....

It's been 3 weeks since the incident happened.. but I'm still sad and teary whenever i think of Abah. Anyhow, i'm not sure whether i'll feel OK even after 6 months it happened. So i would like to dedicate this entry for him so that i'll be able to read back whenever i miss or think of him.

Abah was the person i used to call for everything under the sun.. be it nak mintak tolong itu ini.. nak tanya pasal Mak.. nak mintak opinion.. to ask whether he'll be working on the weekend we wanna go visit them.. even to borrow money.. He also once in a while will call me to check on his grandkids.. to check on what time i'll reach ofis when Mak asked him to pass me anything.. to check whether we're going anywhere on the day he & Mak wanna come over to visit.. to ask to speak to C to ask for direction eventho he has C's number.. to let me know that he's at Masjid Jamek station so that i'll stop by to see him on my way back from work.. In other words i was closer to him than Mak. Maybe for the fact that we're both roosters, we have many similarities. But of course i love them both nevertheless..

Thinking back a few weeks before the incident happened, me and Abah talked to each other more frequent than before. Maybe bcoz he's alone at home as Mak was away at Ziela's, looking after her during confinement. I went to meet up with him at Masjid Jamek station when he did his OT there one evening. We talked abt our trip to AOR, eventho we're not travelling together. Abah had to go to AOR earlier from Tue night, 30th May, to Fri, 2nd June as his leave was oredi approved. My plan was to meet up with him there as i applied for leave for Thu & Fri, 1st & 2nd June but my boss asked me to take Fri and Mon instead. As we're on our way up north, he was oredi on the bus on his way back to KL.. so we missed each other along the highway. I was quite surprised when he told me he's not going to drive up as he normally did. But, he said it's not economical to drive up as he's alone, and he's not going to bring Mak back to KL yet. Eventho we missed being with him in AOR, we got to spend some time with him when he came over to KJ on Tue. He helped replace the tap for our kitchen sink. He had dinner with me & C and stayed over till abt 10.30pm. Normally he'll go back ard 9.30pm and gave excuses like "esok Abah kerja pagi.... masuk 5.45am" or something like that. We of course like it very much when he stayed longer coz the kids just love it when their grandpa is around.

Abah came again on Wed after i told him that i was at home. Mak called earlier to check whether i'm at home or not. I was home as i was on MC bcoz my little finger was trapped at the car door when i closed the door as soon as i reached ofis. That Wed morning i was oredi late for my 9am meeting. C dropped me near the canteen bcoz i told him that i need to buy breakfast before i go up to the ofis. As i was closing the car door quite gently, i accidentally trapped that little finger on my right hand :( Ouuccchhhhhh.. i was speechless for closed to 1 minute as it's so painful!! One of the security guards saw me and asked C to take me to the clinic after he brought some ice for me to dip my finger in it. Well, i only realized that that incident happened for a reason after we lost Abah. If not bcoz i trapped my finger, i'll not get that MC and got to spend time with Abah. He was as cheerful as ever when he reached our house that day. He brought some kuih he bought from Yeop's stall, plus some bread for the cucu2 kesayangan. Jarang sangat yang Abah datang rumah we all dengan tangan kosong.. mesti dia bawak all kinds of bread or whatsoever for the kids. We had dinner together again. He was so happy when i told him that Mak told me over the phone earlier that she'll come back the coming Tue as she purposely wants Abah to fetch her from Jln Duta. He went back quite late that nite, at around 10.30pm again, after my helper helped massage his upper arm after he complaint his arm and shoulder hurts whenever he lift up his hand. Of course at that time i didn't know that it'll be our last meeting with him. My syukur to Allah for the fact my finger trapped that HE allowed me/us to spend that evening with Abah.

On that fateful Sun, 11th June 2006, Abah called that morning at 9.46am to let me know that he wanna come over to spend some time with us if we're not going anywhere. Upon hearing that, i quickly asked him to come eventho i oredi planned to go out to Amcorp Mall with C. But knowing that our trip to Amcorp will be a short one and we'll probably be back before he reach our house, i was very excited thinking abt having him around. At 11am, i asked my helper to get the kids ready for us to go out to Sbg Parade. At the back of my head, i thot that Sunday was the Father's Day. As C's gone out for jungle tracking with his frens since early morning and will not be back till ard 2pm+, while in the cab i told the kids that we're going to buy Papa some presents for Papa's Day. Of course the kids were very excited. Took the kids to Toys R Us and let them play for an hour or so. After that we went in Parkson and picked up a few shirts for C and also football tees for Simba and Mohsin. Mohsin asked me to buy him a ball since he also "demam World Cup". Abang dia kata Brazil, dia pun ikut "Brazil" jugak la. [FYI, both of my boys are World Cup babies of 1998 and 2002.] Frankly, that morning i felt very happy, to which if you asked me "why", i may not be able to answer till today. All i can say is, very unusual that i feel happy over no solid reason[s]. Tapi, bak kata orang tua2, bila suka sangat tu mungkin nak menangis la lepas tu. That could have been the case.

We left Sbg Parade at around 2pm after we bought lunch from McD. I told the kids that we need to get home early bcoz their Atok will come over after he finished working. When we reached home, we ate happily together, while me waiting for C to come home before i go out with him. At almost 3pm, C called to ask me to get ready. The kids wanted to follow me but i told them to stay home as their Atok may be arriving any time. I was thinking of calling Abah to let him know that i need to go out. But, the thot of he may lose concentration riding his motorbike stopped me from calling. At Amcorp, we're at the Flea Market where C met up with Che Mat and i had a chat with Che Mat's wife. Leka la bersembang sakan with them. I kept on reminding C that we need to get home fast coz Abah could be waiting for us oredi. C said OK but he wanted to get lunch first. I told him to go up to Kenny Rogers to order food first while i go to Giant to get some sugar. Before i get to the sugar section, i was so busy membelek some peanuts which C likes. Suddenly my phone rang and the caller asked me whether i know anybody by the name of *such and such*. When i told him that the *such and such* is my dad, the caller quickly asked me to go to University Hospital [UMMC] saying that my dad was involved in an accident. Mmg tersirap darah masa tu. I quickly put back all the peanuts i took and called C to let him know that we need to run to the hospital. Tears had oredi rolling down my cheeks as never in my life i received such calls. I met Che Mat's wife on my way to meet C and told her briefly.

As we're approaching UMMC, i called Ziela to ask what were she and Mak doing. When Ziela told me that she's having tea and Mak could probably be sleeping upstairs, i quickly put down the phone. C dropped me near the Emergency. I was actually searching high & low on where to go and who to ask before i was directed to wait in "Bilik 2" for the Dr to explain his situation. Sementara tunggu Dr datang, hati tu memang berdebar-debar, macam nak tercabut jantung. When the Dr finally came and told me that "I'm sorry Cik but you lost your dad", i was actually screaming as i didn't believe what i just heard. The Dr told me that he did try his best to help save Abah but he was not able to as he believed Abah suffered internal injuries. Dr asked me to identify the person brought to the UMMC whether he's really Abah or not. When i saw him lying on the bed, i wiped my tears and kissed him for the last time. That was definitely Abah and i had to accept the fact that he's gone forever eventho before that i still have hopes that the police could have picked up a wrong person. Definitely at that time i can't do anything but cry. I can't claim his body then and there as there are so many other things need to be cleared first. [FYI, the police classified his case as "hit and run" from the calls they received from the passers by. But, as for me and family, we just want the police to close the case eventho that will means we'll never get to know what actually happened. Maybe whatever happened then is only known by Abah and Allah.. wallahualam]

C came not long after that and consoled me. When the hospital personnel asked me to claimed Abah's belongings, such as wallet and keys, i called Mak to let her know. Called Ziela's mobile and requested to speak to Mak. My exact words to her was "Mak.. sabar ya Mak.." and Mak answered "kenapa ni.. kenapa" so i told her "..Abah dah meninggal.." Mak's istighfar at that time was like a knife cutting thru my heart. In between tears, i told her whatever info that i gathered from the hospital people. Mak asked me to call my grandma and notify her so that grandma can tell the rest of orang kampung. From that moment onwards, my mobile continued to ring non-stop. Me & C were directed to do a police report right away at the police booth inside that UMMC. While C dealt with the police, i kept on answering phone calls. One of the policemen told me that at the time they found Abah, Abah was still alive eventho he was in so much pain. Abah kept on uttering the word Allah and the policeman continued repeating shahadah to Abah's ears. Bila dengar macam tu, memang hati rasa tenang sikit coz Abah mungkin pergi dengan aman. Honestly, rasa sedih tetap ada tapi i redha.

As of now, i don't think i can continue with the rest of this story anymore. But i may do it later.. some other time. Anyhow, till today, me, Mak and Ziela have some regrets over what happened but we keep on telling ourselves that it was all arranged and written at Luh Mahfuz. Thank you to all frens and relatives who have been so supportive from the time it happened till today. Thanx a million too for all the condolence messages and doa sedekah Fatihah and Yassin for Abah. Hopefully Abah will be placed among the solihin. Amin..